How many kids do you have, adopted, foster, or biological
Naomi and I currently have no children in our direct care. However, God has two kids in Kenya who are ours, and we pray for them every day that God will protect them and take care of them. So, how many kids do I have, I have two, they just haven't come home yet.
What made adoption your first option?
To be honest, I would never have considered adoption if it wasn't for my wife following God's leading and her persistence and dedication to getting me on-board. I was very scared of the idea because of all the horror stories that you hear and the general idea of, "Adoption is for people that can't have children naturally". I shamefully admit that I was stuck in the category that believes that you will never be able to love an adoptive child as much as a biological child, so why should you bring that dis-continuity into your home. Naomi and I talked about adoption before we got married because ever since she was 14 she had wanted to adopt orphans from the 3rd world. We finally came to an agreement that we would have our own biological kids first and THEN adopt. Secretly I hoped that she would somehow forget, or once we had our "own" kids, she would be so enamored with them that that would be that. We got married and about 3 years later Naomi brought up the adoption issue again. Pointing out that if we were to wait that long, with the number of kids we wanted, I would be in my 40s and we would then be beginning the adoption process, which meant that I would be in my 60s when my last child would be graduating. For some strange reason this really freaked me out. Big time! So now, the pressure was on. I realized that Naomi was not going to give up this adoption issue and I had to figure this thing out fast, or else I was going to be in my "Golden Years" and dealing with some punk kid crashing the Buick aka my adopted son! We talked, a lot, about the state of the Orphan Crisis and some of my fears. I realized that pretty much everything I was scared about was pretty much selfish crap. Realistically nobody knows what their biological kid is going to turn out like. Yes, adoptive kids can come with baggage so you do have to be sensitive to certain issues, but isn't maybe taking things a bit slower and paying more attention to your child's different needs worth giving a child a loving family then saying,
"Oh, wow, that's too much work. That's for someone else."
So, after talking to some friends who had adopted and doing some research we decided that we would make the choice of adopting first before we had biological children. The main reason being that because of all the potential issues we figured that we could give more time and attention to our adopted kids who might need it more. It is not a knock against those who decide differently it is simply how we chose to do things. However, I do challenge those that haven't decided yet to do your research and not to go with what you simply feel because you have been raised a certain way or how you might feel your family will react. As Christians we are all called to “to visit orphans and widows in their trouble" (James 1:27). Visiting is not the same as simply thinking about in a sad way once or twice, or feeling convicted and buying a button to support some cause. It is quite difficult to "visit" someone without doing it in person. Hence why James actually said to "visit" and not, send some money, or simply think about. It is something that we cannot get around by explaining it away. The truth is that the Church has done a horrible job in caring for widows and orphans, and it is how we will be judged, as they are "the least of these". So I challenge you to think about how you will "visit" them, and what it would mean to you if you no family and someone said, "Come here, I will love you forever and call you my son". Because that is what God has done to us and that is what we are to do to the fatherless.
"Oh, wow, that's too much work. That's for someone else."
So, after talking to some friends who had adopted and doing some research we decided that we would make the choice of adopting first before we had biological children. The main reason being that because of all the potential issues we figured that we could give more time and attention to our adopted kids who might need it more. It is not a knock against those who decide differently it is simply how we chose to do things. However, I do challenge those that haven't decided yet to do your research and not to go with what you simply feel because you have been raised a certain way or how you might feel your family will react. As Christians we are all called to “to visit orphans and widows in their trouble" (James 1:27). Visiting is not the same as simply thinking about in a sad way once or twice, or feeling convicted and buying a button to support some cause. It is quite difficult to "visit" someone without doing it in person. Hence why James actually said to "visit" and not, send some money, or simply think about. It is something that we cannot get around by explaining it away. The truth is that the Church has done a horrible job in caring for widows and orphans, and it is how we will be judged, as they are "the least of these". So I challenge you to think about how you will "visit" them, and what it would mean to you if you no family and someone said, "Come here, I will love you forever and call you my son". Because that is what God has done to us and that is what we are to do to the fatherless.
What are some supports that you have that help you to successfully navigate being adoptive parents?
Since Naomi and I can only speak from the place of the adoption process, not yet from the point of view as an active parent, some may think that not much support is required; yet I can tell you that that would be a grave mistake if you went into adoption with that mindset. It is our experience that the adoption process will test every facet of your marriage, relationship with God, relationship with your family, and possibly (most likely) your relationship with your friends. It will change you and all of those relationships, not necessarily for the worse, but just as bringing a biological child into the world will change the way you view things so does adopting a child. The difference for Naomi and I is that our eyes have been opened to the depravity of man via the orphan crisis, and that has really centred our priorities. Not everyone gets that, and some people have differing ideas of how to deal with that. This can create conflict if not dealt with properly. Naturally, we are very passionate about what we are doing, to us it is a big deal, and not everyone gets that either. Since the process is so long and arduous, it becomes tedious at times and people asking questions that are simply asking for the sake of self-fulfillment begin to wear on you.
This is where Naomi and I were in the fall. Our adoption had gone on almost a year longer than expected (it is now over a year...and counting) and we had been doing it with almost not outside support. Naomi reached out and found us an Adoption Support Group; it has truly been a blessing from God. Everything above that I mentioned these people understand as they either have gone through or are going through it themselves. They have the same passion and viewpoint on the Orphan Crisis (otherwise they wouldn't be adopting) and are actively doing something about it.
The support group has been the biggest asset to us as we have been going through this. There are other systems as support such as reading material and other media, but really, nothing is better than being able to talk, laugh, and pray with other people that truly understand what you are going through.
Would you recommend couples to adopt as a first option and why?
This is a difficult one for me to answer, as I have nothing to compare it to. I can really only give me reason and leave it at that.
We decided to adopt first because adopted children have different needs that biological children and many of those require one on one bonding. We felt that the best way we could deal with that is if we had no other kids vying for that attention. Also, in Naomi and I's case we have to go to Kenya and live there for roughly 8 months. We figured that this would be done most easily kid-free.
Those are the advantages, the disadvantages are that we are going in cold, never been parents before. There are things that are going to come up that maybe a more seasoned, battle-hardened, veteran parent might handle better than us. Then again, you aren't a parent until you are a parent. I don't think anybody really gets a "jump" on parenting; so really, this is just the way we have chosen to do it.
So, would I recommend parents to adopt first? I would recommend parents who are looking to start their families to make an informed decision. Adoption never really gets talked about unless you are unable to have biological children and that is sad. I think a lot more awareness on adoption needs to be out there, and hopefully this blog is doing that.
